I grew up in a cold, abusive home where shame was the language spoken over me. I remember when my dad would come home from work the moment I heard the door, fear would hit me like a brick. I would hear him stumping around like godzilla and fear would come over me.
From all the years of abuse, I carried pain, shame, guilt, hopelessness, and depression. From fifth grade through young adulthood, I attempted suicide multiple times. I felt rejected and unloved.I’m glad I failed, because I went on to make a difference in a lot of people’s lives.
The darkness inside me eventually showed up in my outer world. I found myself in toxic relationships, I didn’t love myself so how could I expect anyone else to?
My past filled me with so much guilt and shame that I saw myself through the lies my family told me. Low self-esteem consumed me. Most of my life, I was depressed. I had a form of self-hate because I believed everything they said about me. Their words became my identity. There was no love in my home only fear and abuse. But one day, while I was driving to work, something supernatural happened. I felt the love of God wrap around me in a way I had never experienced before. I didn’t know God was love until that moment.
I didn’t know the bible well. But God revealed himself to me without me even opening Scripture yet. He came to me when I wasn’t looking for him. From that moment on, my life began to change. I started receiving healing and deliverance at church, listening to sermons, and listening to scriptures. Scripture started to wash over my mind and heart. The Word of God began to break chains inside of me that I carried since childhood. Forgiveness came not for others first, but for my own peace. God’s love overwhelmed me. His peace replaced my fear. His truth replaced every lie spoken over me. My family even said, “You’ve changed.” They were right but it wasn’t me. It was the Word of God transforming me from the inside out. Today, I know my worth. I know my value. I know I am beautiful. And I know what true love is because true love is God. What abuse tried to destroy, Jesus restored. What darkness tried to steal, God returned with light.
My testimony is simple: I once lived in fear, but now I live in love. I once lived in shame, but now I live in grace. Jesus saved my life and he gave me a new one.
